Conflict without Contention

Good Morning My Friend,

At a conference I attended this past weekend, I was presented with a quote and a concept I am super thankful for, 

“Conflict is inevitable. 

Contention is a choice.” 

(Dieter Uchtdorf)

I have a question for you— Has it ever been possible for you to have a conflict without any threads of contention slipping in?

I am really grateful to have a shift in the way I view conflict!!  The more I consider it, the more clear it becomes that conflict is actually very healthy, necessary and good, as long as it isn’t tainted by contention.  Conflict triggers growth and creation of something new or better. It is necessary for evolution and adaptation. Conflict is often the critical factor that provides the impetus to change.  Conflict without contention recognizes, “my way isn’t the only way” and embraces differences that in the end make us all better.  

In my life, as a general rule I have avoided conflict at all costs. I’ve had very few, if any instances, where a conflict didn’t escalate into contention.  I erroneously equated conflict with contention and tried to live by the adage, “Can’t we just all get along?”

Now, I realize conflict truly isn’t bad.  People pleasing is also NOT the answer when a conflict arises. Boundaries and standing up for what is true and right as you see it is very important.    It’s only when the conflict degenerates into contention that feelings get hurt, stagnation and stubbornness arise and relationships suffer.  This contention is where enmity begins to plant it’s seeds and grow.  However, if we absolutely refuse to be contentious, it really is possible to have a conflict while staying in a place of love, curiosity, compassion and calm. 

I also had the opportunity this week to witness something going on that, in my eyes, is a gross abuse of authority, leading to mistreatment of people I consider dear.  I have a direct responsibility in this situation but have been hesitating on taking action, knowing there will most likely be significant conflict.  I woke up, after this seminar on conflict without contention, knowing without a shed of doubt that I need to address this conflict.  As the saying goes, “It takes 2 to tango”.  I will strive to stay calm, curious and compassionate, as I CHOOSE to stay out of contention.  I guess this is my opportunity to practice conflict without contention…. Wish me luck!! 😉

What are your thoughts on conflict without contention?

What are you thankful for this snowy, but beautiful Thursday morning?


Rooting for you always,

Candice Noss


Did you know that I host a podcast called “Designed for Greatness”?  It is a faith-filled podcast created to: help you elevate your mind, body and spirit; and own your divine greatness.  I bring my full self— as a wife, mom of 6, Physical Therapist, life coach, basketball coach, dog breeder, and so much more— to inspire you to create and live your best life.  We are ALL designed for greatness!!  Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts or click here to get my latest episode on Perfection vs. Connection.  Thank you for your support!!