Identity vs Actions

Good Morning Friends!

I am thankful, this Thursday, for understanding the power of identity statements, those that use the 2 most powerful words in human language, “I am”.  I am grateful for the ability to pick them out in a conversation and correct myself or those I love when we aren’t being careful or accurate with our words.  

This week I found an empty Mt. Dew bottle hid in my 5 year old daughter, lylaGrace’s room.  This was given as a Christmas gift to her brother Dax, and she had stolen it out of his room, drank it and tried hiding the evidence.  Iyla has a history of taking things that don’t belong to her, and once again, her clepto tendency won out over her conscience.  I proceeded to take some candy she got for a birthday gift and gave that to Daxton.  I was hoping she would understand the feeling of having a beloved gift taken away. She proceeded to cry and tantrum, then after she had thrown a fit long enough, she came out of time out and wanted to talk.  She said, “Mom- I am so STUPID!!”  I was shocked- I’ve never heard her say something negative about herself before.  I quickly reassured her that she is NOT stupid.  Her actions were understandable.  She loves special drinks and really wanted what was not hers.  However, that doesn’t make it right.  Her action of taking what wasn’t hers could be considered stupid, but she is smart, kind and a good girl who made a simple mistake.  

Shame is so destructive.  It starts its corrosive work on us whenever we confuse something we did wrong with who we are.  When “I failed the test” becomes “I am a failure”, or “I messed up” becomes “I am messed up”, shame results.  As we focus on the action, not the person, we avoid using identity statements destructively.  

I’m grateful IylaGrace messed up by stealing the Mt. Dew.  She learned a powerful lesson about the golden rule, stealing, and the difference between her actions and who she actually is.  

Do you ever confuse actions with identity, or feelings with identity?  I challenge you to watch your words.  Be on alert for “I am” statements and make sure you are using them to build and create who you want to be.

What are you thankful for today?


Rooting for you always,

Candice Noss


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