If it has conditions, it is not love.

I am thankful today for a quote I came across, 

“If it has conditions, it is not love.”

Although this is a super simple statement, it is profound.  I challenge you to look at your relationships- are there conditions you’ve set up, even unconsciously, that must be met for you to give your full love? 

Over the past couple of years I’ve become obsessed with figuring out the differences between transactional love and transformational love. A few years ago, I became aware of many places where my love was conditional, dependent on the performance of the other person or based on a scorecard I kept in my head.  I was shocked to realize how truly transactional I had been with the my love and I vowed to make a change.  This led me on a quest to truly understand unconditional love and strive to live my life from a transformational love place.

On this quest, I’ve discovered what I believe are the top 2 blocks to unconditional, aka transformational love:

  • JUDGMENT &
  • EXPECTATIONS

Judgment happens when we put a meaning or a story on something or someone. 

Expectations happen when we hold someone or something to a specific standard and believe they will or should achieve that standard.  

Both unmet expectations and negative judgments lead to the 3 D’s that destroy relationships- DISAPPOINTMENT, DISAPPROVAL, and DISMISSIVENESS.  When this happens, we naturally or unconsciously, withhold our love until the thing we’ve judged as insuperior changes, or our expectations get met.

I am thankful today for the opportunity to analyze my judgments and expectations in order to more fully land in love in my relationships with myself, my loved ones, and for all those I come in contact with.

I have some questions for you to ponder on this topic. Is all judgment bad? Are there any instances where we should put a condition on the amount of love we offer in a relationship? Surely we must use our best judgment in order to make decisions and magnify our opportunities. What is the difference between unrighteous and righteous judgment? Does putting a condition on the way we love protect us?

I like what Adam Miller has to say, 

“Unrighteous judgment asks WHO. Who deserves to be loved?  

Righteous judgment asks HOW. How must I love? 

Unrighteous judgment treats love as a rare reward.  

Righteous judgment treats love as a moral law.”

One of my favorite sayings I learned from John Lund is, “No one can resist the power of unconditional love forever.” The truth is, LOVE WINS!! Charity never fails. 

I am thankful for reminders to love unconditionally.  To live from a place of transformational love, I am striving to build my ability to love without expectation of return.  To love even when the mind judges myself or another as undeserving. To love without conditions. This is so tricky!!

I’d love your feedback!! 

What are you thankful for this week?