Why Questions

I am thankful today for something a friend shared with me.  

We were discussing life, including our goals and dreams as well as where we are feeling blocked.  I asked her a question, “Why am I not…”.  She listened and then said, “Candice, you’ve got to ask better questions.  ‘Why’ questions rarely serve us.” When she said this, I felt that zing of truth run through my body and I knew she was teaching me a valuable nugget.  Why questions rarely serve us!!

“Why” questions usually are a reaction to something uncomfortable.  Often they are asked when there is pain, frustration, or difficulty in our life.  “Why” questions frequently come up when we are tired or have unmet expectations.  We all know it’s never good to ask “Why me?”. However, before my friend pointed out this truth, I didn’t realize that any “Why” question in reference to myself or my life just leads to more resistance and staying stuck.  I guarantee that behind the “Why” questions there will be some “should’s”, “supposed to’s” or manuals to examine.  

Asking “Why” about something that has to do with ourselves or our lives leads us into victim posturing.  If we ask “Why” and are completely stumped, then it lets us off the hook from actually figuring out the problem.  “Why am I …” or “Why is ….. happening” allows us to be confused, lost and only exacerbates the trial.

So… what are better questions to ask?  Any question you can think of that doesn’t start with “Why”!! 😉

  • “What do I need to… (learn, do, ask, research, etc.)”
  • “How do I …”
  • “Where do I …”
  • “Who …”

I am all for breakthroughs and problem solving.  Asking the right questions are a critical piece.  So, stay curious!! But- I challenge you to avoid asking “Why….”

What are you thankful to be learning this week?